And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
