I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just pee around me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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