I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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