the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
