Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
