before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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