we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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