woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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