There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
