need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
