so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
