I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
