We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
