Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
