I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
