I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
