Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
