Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
