You can't motorboat a personality
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
