i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
