I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
