She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
