The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
