Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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