Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
