Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
