Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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