We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's official drugs can't kill me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
