hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
