I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
