so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize