put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
