"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Randomize
