I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
