I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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