I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
