i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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