I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
