I think i peed on brittanys purse
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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