I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
