the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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