my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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