when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
