i just google imaged poop.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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