ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
