she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
