Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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