Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
