its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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