im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
