I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
