god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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