That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
