It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
