Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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