it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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