Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
