it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? Weâ€™re gonna unpack that later
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...