i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
