it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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