I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
