I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize