if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
