I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sober January is a disaster.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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