I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
