I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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