Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
