We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
