why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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