Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
